When You Say Yes but Mean No: How Silencing Conflict Wrecks Relationships and Companies… and What You Can Do About It: Leslie Perlow
Editorial Reviews
From Booklist
Calling herself an “anthropologist of corporate culture,” Perlow conducts her fieldwork in the office environment, studying the interactions of people in the world of organizations and examining the ways that people do and don’t express honest opinions, mostly in an effort to fit in and avoid making waves. She asserts that in our natural desire to be liked and to avoid conflict, we will often say “yes” when inside we are screaming “no,” leading to a dysfunctional work environment that devalues relationships and impedes creativity and progress. Yet this pattern is passively promoted by managers in almost every organization, and every time we silence conflict, the consequences get worse, as does the likelihood that we will continue the pattern in a destructive “silent spiral” that encourages anger and gossip. Perlow provides a number of stories and useful exercises that promote expressing differences while preventing the negative side effect of petty arguing, clearly showing that an atmosphere in which open dialogue is encouraged is healthy for both personal and organizational relationships. David Siegfried
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Review
?Silencing conflict is a universal problem in companies of all shapes and sizes. Yet people fail to recognize when they are caught in this dangerous syndrome until it wreaks havoc on their relationships. Leslie Perlow?s excellent book teaches you how to detect early symptoms and avoid detrimental situations. For your own career
success and for the success of your company you should start putting her lucid and practical ideas to work today.??Adrian J. Slywotzky, coauthor of The Profit Zone
?When You Say Yes But Mean No is an invaluable resource for anyone working in an organization. People have a tremendous amount of knowledge and insight about what it takes to be successful. The challenge, though, is creating the kind of environment in which they feel comfortable speaking up and dealing directly and genuinely with peers, subordinates, and superiors. Leslie Perlow?s book contains critical insights and practical suggestions about how to create more open and honest relationships. If you put her ideas to work, the net result is sure to be a healthier and more productive organization.??Raymond Gilmartin, chief executive officer, Merck & Co., Inc.
?This is a remarkable book that, once started, I had to read from cover to cover. The ?don?t rock the boat? syndrome is one of the silent killers of the modern corporation. It is a real breakthrough to learn how conflict brought out into the open can be a creative and sustainable force for the benefit of any company and its decision
makers. Everyone knows how unspoken dissent is lurking below the surface, but few business leaders have the con?dence to deal with it. Leslie Perlow shows how it can be done in a well-researched and readable style.??Alan Parker, president, Whitbread Hotel Company — Review
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